What do you call a text message that's flirty, but not yet a sext? A flext? I'm still brainstorming.
Whatever you call them, flirty text messages are the reality for most people dating in 2017. And text message flirting can be just as scary as in-person flirting. First off, you need to suss out whether or not your crush is at least mildly interested in you before you blow up their phone.
"You know your crush is receptive to flirting if he or she is responsive," says Barbara Greenberg PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in family and relationship issues. "Pupils dilate when a person is interested in you. Look into the eyes of the one you are flirting with. They speak volumes."
If you're mostly limited to texting or online messaging, Dr. Greenberg confirms what many of us already know: More than likely, your crush is into you if they carry on the conversation and respond without too much of a lag time.
At a loss for the words (and emojis!) to send to someone? I put together some tried-and-true text messages to send when you want to flirt but haven't started sexting yet. (But if you're already there, here's how to kick the conversation up a notch.)
While we're arguably more in control of and confident about our sexuality than ever, there's still so much we don't know about female arousal. So this month, we're exploring everything you want and need to know about how women get turned on now. Check out more here.
"You made an appearance in my dream last night."
Why it works: This suggestive message lets your crush know that you're interested in them while also hinting at sex (hey, you're telling them about what you do in bed). Pro tip: Don't tell them what happened in the dream so you can keep them guessing and intrigued. And of course, feel free to send this one even if your dream wasn't actually about them.
Photographed by Refinery29.
"How was your day? I just got home and am finally relaxing."
Why it works: This is a great text to send in the early stages of a crush or courtship, as it shows you care and are thinking of them, but isn't directly sexual (though the "relaxing" bit is certainly suggestive in a good way). It's a great one to send during the week after you know your crush has had a long day, since most people love to talk about themselves. Plus, it's an open-ended question that encourages conversation, which is always preferable to a "yes or no" answer. And in this case, that involves talking about how you both like to unwind (which is, again, suggestive).
Photographed by Rockie Nolan.
"Stop distracting me. I'm busy ;)"
Why it works: People want what they can't have. Send this sucker when you and your crush are texting back and forth during the work day or while you're running errands (or, hell, when you're out with friends), and you actually don't have time for them. By stating that they're distracting you (in a sexy way, since you employed the wink emoji), you let them know you're not being mean — and you also remind them that you're indeed a busy person with a full life, so if they want you, they're going to have to work for it.
Photographed by Ashley Batz.
"I can't stop thinking about you."
Why it works: As the saying goes, flattery will get you everywhere. Send this one after a first date. If you haven't gotten it on yet, the sexual tension will be palpable, since you're letting your future bae know they're on your mind. By the time the second or third date roles around, good luck keeping your clothes on.
Photographed by Lorenna Gomez-Sanchez.
"How about we move this conversation to IRL?"
Why it works: If you've just been flirty texting and haven't officially gone out yet (and all is going well), this text is the perfect way to land a date. Sure, you're flirting, but you're also being straightforward and asking for what you want. Have a list of date ideas ready to throw out just in case — that could mean anything from drinks at an intimate bar to a daytime hike to a movie and take out at your place, so no pressure to come up with anything too complicated.
Photographed by Alice Gao.
"I want to experience you."
Why it works: Save this work of art for when you're confident your flirting partner is down to bone. A friend who was obviously about to turn into more than that sent this to me in college, and we were shortly having sex multiple times in the span of a few hours. This text gets straight to the point: You want to have sex with them. However, rather than make it vulgar or about their body, you're demonstrating that you're interested in them as a person. This one's definitely not for everybody, but with the right person, this message could lead to an intimate experience via text and IRL.
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